This Is Not Your Dead End
At first moved back home I started going to a little support group. My parents wanted me to be putting in some measurable effort into rebuilding my life and such. I determined from the beginning that I would do it, but only for looks. I was not like those people. They were trashy and I had a college education!
I made up my mind that I would not build relationships, I would not speak or tell my story, I would not be involved in any way except the required minimum. The second time I attended there was a lady that I had not seem the first time. She was pretty hard to look at, bruises and scars on her face and arms and white orbs for eyeballs. I almost left when this lady attempted to start a conversation with me. I pretended not to hear her then that I didn't speak good English (she didn't buy that if course).
This night I was caught off guard, she got up and began a testimony that would later change my life. Her husband had been her abuser. She was a soft spoken woman but never quiet enough for him. For ten years she had endured everything from being forced to have an abortion, to being burned extensively on multiple occasions, and then of course there was the blind thing. She was not born that way, that had occurred one particularly abusive drunken night when he pushed he down a flight of stairs, repeatedly beat her head into the concrete wall, and eventually, gouged out her eyes with his fingernails.
Of course, her story wrecked me, it would anyone with a heart but what she said is what floored me- "If there is one thing I know it's this, God took my sight so that others could possibly see. We all need to see the 4 h's. The 4 H's are giving yourself permission to hurt. Giving yourself permission to hate. Giving yourself permission to heal. And giving yourself permission to have".
You see, my now dear friend somehow saw what we couldn't, when you hurt, you acknowledge and humanize yourself, when you hate you can let go of some of the "idolization" and authority of an abuser over your life. When you see that you were made to be more than someone else's punching bag, you reclaim your worth that was always there and you shouldn't of had to prove it. And remembering that you deserve to have.
To have peace, to have love, to have a life of adventure, to have the things of your dreams, and to have a future.
You see, your story doesn't end here, my love.
I made up my mind that I would not build relationships, I would not speak or tell my story, I would not be involved in any way except the required minimum. The second time I attended there was a lady that I had not seem the first time. She was pretty hard to look at, bruises and scars on her face and arms and white orbs for eyeballs. I almost left when this lady attempted to start a conversation with me. I pretended not to hear her then that I didn't speak good English (she didn't buy that if course).
This night I was caught off guard, she got up and began a testimony that would later change my life. Her husband had been her abuser. She was a soft spoken woman but never quiet enough for him. For ten years she had endured everything from being forced to have an abortion, to being burned extensively on multiple occasions, and then of course there was the blind thing. She was not born that way, that had occurred one particularly abusive drunken night when he pushed he down a flight of stairs, repeatedly beat her head into the concrete wall, and eventually, gouged out her eyes with his fingernails.
Of course, her story wrecked me, it would anyone with a heart but what she said is what floored me- "If there is one thing I know it's this, God took my sight so that others could possibly see. We all need to see the 4 h's. The 4 H's are giving yourself permission to hurt. Giving yourself permission to hate. Giving yourself permission to heal. And giving yourself permission to have".
You see, my now dear friend somehow saw what we couldn't, when you hurt, you acknowledge and humanize yourself, when you hate you can let go of some of the "idolization" and authority of an abuser over your life. When you see that you were made to be more than someone else's punching bag, you reclaim your worth that was always there and you shouldn't of had to prove it. And remembering that you deserve to have.
To have peace, to have love, to have a life of adventure, to have the things of your dreams, and to have a future.
You see, your story doesn't end here, my love.
Comments
Post a Comment