Notes On Your Darkest Days

The biggest challenge about being a survivor or partner still preparing your exit is that most likely your abuse did not happen overnight. It started with little insults, blow ups here and there and planting seeds of self doubt.

Your abuser wanted to make you question who you truly were. You may of progressed from disagreeing with his accusations and thr seclusion you likely experienced slowly conditioned you to believe that you were: crazy, not a good person or mother, stupid or careless, and not worthy of love or happiness.

Whether youve left or not there is a very definitive moment in time that the abuser steps back, and we abuse ourselves.

First, I want to look at this cycle of violence wheel with you.

As victims of abuse and or domestic violence we have to realize that the cause or supposed cause for abuse is not a factor. It is imaginary. A tactic to manipulate you into taking the blame so that it can continue.

It does not matter if you have: not finished school, cleaned the house, wore the right clothes, were not faithful and a thousand other scapegoat scenarios. The real problem lies with the abuser.

There is nothing you can or should of done to change the damage thats set up shop inside the one who should of been the one person you could trust above all others. You have not failed. They have failed you and know it just as well as I do. They know, but make a choice to behave that way, anyway.

It starts with self doubt.

Offhand jokes

Commenfs about being crazy

Arent you lucky that a man as great as he is to love you because you'll never get any better.

Isolation does this. Decreasing your self esteem not matter how much you had of it to start with. You question your own thoughts, decisions, and even your worth.

Then the comments turn to bloody knuckles and questioning neighbors while you try to hide it while you investigate just what in the world you've done to make the bed you now lie in.

But believe me baby, its not you.